


Before the world ended and started over again.

by Sabaisme



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Abuse, Boys In Love, Friends to Lovers, Graphic Description, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Recovery, Slow Build, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 12:34:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14915483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sabaisme/pseuds/Sabaisme
Summary: We all know Adam was being abused. But how did the others first find out? And what happened to Adam afterwards?It's mostly about the relationship between Ronan and Adam, and the ways Adam is because of his child abuse.It's not a fluffy or romanticized thing, so it does get ugly. But we all know it ends well.





	1. Before Ronan

When Gansey first started hanging out with Adam, and brought him over to his house, he had warned Adam about Ronan. He could be a bit… shy. What Gansey might’ve forgot is that Adam shared three classes with Ronan Lynch, to which one he actually showed up. He sorta knew Ronan and that whatever he felt for other people wasn’t shyness. 

So, when Adam entered Monmouth Manufacturing and saw Ronan sitting on the sofa in the main living room, he knew better. Ronan looked at him for one second without any expression at all, then looked away and went to his room. Adam got the message. 

-

It didn’t stop Gansey and Adam from hanging out. Adam actually liked Gansey. The third time he visited Monmouth Manufacturing, he met Noah Czerny. 

Gansey had left Adam alone for a few seconds and Ronan was hiding in his room again. Leaving Adam alone on the big sofa. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Noah was there. Adam fought he must’ve entered the living room when he wasn’t paying attention. It startled him a bit. 

‘’You must be Adam!’’ Noah said, seeming very energetic. Adam knew there was a third person living here, and that his name was Noah. Noah looked very pale and still wore his Aglionby uniform. 

‘’Yeah,’’ Adam said, a bit sluggish. ‘’I guess you’re Noah?’’  
Noah nodded and opened his mouth again to say something more but was cut off. 

‘’Come on, Noah,’’ Ronan said, sounding a bit harsh. It didn’t seem to really affect Noah anyway, he was still happy. 

‘’Joyride time!’’ Noah said, looking back at Adam. ‘’Bye Adam.’’  
Adam waved Noah goodbye. Ronan already left the room and didn’t acknowledge Adam in any way. 

-

After almost a full month of hanging out with Gansey, Ronan started to crack. Adam wasn’t around a lot anyway, he had work to attend. But whenever he could spend some time at Gansey’s, Ronan wouldn’t leave the room anymore. 

He still didn’t say anything to Adam, but he also didn’t ignore him anymore. 

-

Just one week later, Ronan started a conversation with Adam. It wasn’t much, really. Gansey had gone out to get some dinner. Noah was nowhere to be seen. It was just Adam on the sofa and Ronan hanging against the opening of the door.  
Ronan started to rant a bit on Gansey’s crazy obsession with death kings. 

Adam wanted to ask why he still helped Gansey if he hated it so much, but didn’t want him to be offended. So he started to make a bit fun together with Ronan about Gansey’s obsession. 

-

Ronan wasn’t much of talker, but he wasn’t silent anymore. He joined Adam and Gansey more and more. Noah often lurking behind them. 

Adam liked that, having some sort of approval or Ronan. He didn’t really want to admit why. He just sorta looked up to the guy. Rich and dangerous, nobody could ever touch what was Ronan Lynch. 

\- 

Gansey had left an entire week for a family matter. Adam did miss to have such an energy beside him, Gansey would never shut up but now the days were more quieter. Adam didn’t really have any friends except for Gansey and Noah. Maybe Ronan. 

When school ended and Adam walked towards his bike, he heard someone honker at him. At first he thought that wasn’t meant for him, until it got closer and louder. Turning around, it was Ronan in his black, dusty BMW. 

‘’Get in, Parrish.’’ Ronan said, it wasn’t a question and Adam could easily say no. But he went in anyway. 

‘’Where are we going?’’ Adam asked. 

‘’Wherever,’’ Ronan answered. 

‘’Can we go to the park?’’ Noah asked. Adam, a bit startled, only noticed Noah sitting in the back now. 

‘’Nahh, i’ve got a better idea,’’ Ronan said, and he started to turn out of the Aglionby parking place. 

-

‘’Get in the shopping cart, Parrish,’’ Ronan ordered. He brought them to an nearly abandoned parking place. 

‘’You go in,’’ Adam argued. Noah had stayed in the car, angry that they weren’t going to the park. 

Ronan pulled up his eyebrows, he’s probably not used to someone talking against him.  
They stood still for a few more seconds before Adam caved in. 

‘’Fine, i’ll go.’’ Adam climbed into the shopping cart, that was being steadied by Ronan. He didn’t feel like warning Ronan to be careful, he knew this wasn’t going to be careful.  
Ronan rolled him all the way to the other side of the parking lot and started to run. He didn’t let go of the shopping cart. 

‘’Ronan!’’ Adam yelled. But it was already too late. He had run them into the BMW. Leaving behind a big dent. With Adam on the ground, with the shopping cart on his back. His knees and elbows were scraped and piece of his forehead too. 

Ronan had fallen next to him. Same injuries but with scraped hands too. Adam thought he would be mad, for his car. Instead he started to laugh. It was such a loud, dark and light laugh. Adam liked that about Ronan, and started to laugh with him. 

\- 

Back at Monmouth Manufacturing, They were both still high on adrenaline. Noah had thrown some bandages at them before he hid in his room. 

Adam was wearing a long sleeved shirt, and the cloth around the elbows were almost ruined. Which made him a bit sad but tried not to think about it too much. The next this was, that Ronan tried to bandage him. 

‘’Oh, i’m fine,’’ Adam said, waving the bandages away. Ronan looked a bit fed up. 

‘’Don’t have to act all tough here, I got them too,’’ Ronan insisted. 

Adam looked a bit nervous. ‘’Okay, give them, I’ll do it myself,’’ Adam said. Getting another confused look by Ronan, but he just shrugged it off and handed over the bandages. Adam had to take his shirt off, and it wasn’t that he was extremely self conscious. It’s just that his skin and body, they told his entire story already. 

Ronan didn’t look at him as he took off his shirt. He quickly bandaged himself up and put his shirt on. Turning back to Ronan, he knew he must’ve seen something. 

‘’Well, I’m gonna get going. Got work in a bit and still have to change.’’ Adam said, he grabbed his coat and let himself out. 

‘’Ok,’’ Ronan said, he didn’t show any emotions. 

-

Ronan knew he hadn’t mistaked what he saw. He sorta looked a bit at Adam, just a bit. Adam’s entire back was covered in in bruises and a few scars. 

Would Adam get in a lot of fights? All those bruises couldn’t be from the shopping cart fall. And those scars most couldn’t have. 

Adam was weird and something was up. 

-

When Gansey came back, Adam also came back to Monmouth. He hadn’t hung out with Ronan after the incident. But he acted like nothing was up, so Ronan followed his lead. 

‘’I’m getting a drink,’’ Ronan announced. 

‘’Water, please,’’ Gansey said in return, as if Ronan had offered. Adam was reading some stuff Gansey want him to read and hadn’t heard what was going on. 

Ronan gently touched Adam’s shoulder to ask if he wanted something too, since he was already doing it for Gansey and probably Noah in a second. Adam flinched. 

He really fucking flinched, as if Ronan had put a needle in his arm. For a second, Adam looked alarmed but calmed down again. 

‘’Want a drink, Parrish?’’ Ronan asked, acting as if he hadn’t noticed anything. 

‘’No, thanks,’’ Adam replied, turning his head away again. He didn’t want to look at Ronan anymore. 

-

Ronan’s suspicion grew deeper on in him. But he knew that what he thought was happening, was happening. Adam showed up to school with a black eye and bruised lip. 

‘’What happened Parrish?’’ Ronan asked. He tried to sound soft and friendly. He still sounded rough. 

‘’Nothing, it’s not your business anyway,’’ Adam replied. Ronan nodded. He understood. 

‘’Question 4 is wrong,’’ Ronan said, pointing at Adam’s homework. Adam frowned at him. He was still so confused by who was Ronan Lynch. He wasn’t dumb, that was for sure. He knew things and knew how to deal with them. 

‘’Oh,’’ Adam said, ‘’Well, what did I do wrong then?’’ Ronan gladly pointed it out and helped him. 

-

That same day, at night, Ronan and Adam were alone again. It had been quite a while since they were. Together in Ronan’s BWM. Listening to some shitty music that Ronan played just to annoy Adam. 

It was a simple joyride. Ronan didn’t want to do anything too stupid now. Adam knew why but accepted it. Ronan must suspect something and tried to be a lot more careful around Adam, he had noticed that. He hadn’t touched Adam anymore. 

Adam turned the radio off, he couldn’t take it anymore. It won him a grin by Ronan. They didn’t talk, which was nice. It was a comfortable silence. 

But somehow, Adam wanted to talk. 

‘’What’s wrong Parrish? You look like you might break your skull from thinking too hard,’’ Ronan said, calm but trying to sound funny. 

‘’Nothing,’’ Adam said, he felt his face go red.  
‘’I know you know,’’ Adam finally said. 

‘’Do I know?’’ Ronan asked.

‘’Do you?’’ Adam replied.

‘’Godammit Adam, what’s that even supposed to mean?!’’ Ronan asked, frustrated. It was the first time he called Adam by his first name. 

Adam wanted to say a million things, wanted to scream at Ronan. But he didn’t have any good reasons. It’s not like Ronan found out on himself, Adam was just too obvious. 

‘’My home situation isn’t perfect,’’ Adam finally said, between teeth. He felt bitter but also indifferent towards Ronan. 

‘’I figured,’’ Ronan said. He didn’t give off anything, at least he didn’t lie. 

‘’I don’t really want to talk about it, though,’’ Adam felt a bit embarrassed. 

‘’The fuck would we talk about?’’ Ronan replied. Which confused Adam, but also made him feel at peace. It was just the two of them, in Ronan’s car. It was dark outside and nobody was around. It felt peaceful.


	2. After Robert Parrish

When Ronan and Adam first got together, it was strange. Adam wanted this, someone to be devoted to him and to love him no matter what. He no longer wanted to feel alone. 

He had all of that, but he also got very scared of all of that. Adam knew there was a possibility they wouldn’t work out and they had to break up. He was scared to commit himself fully. 

Adam was scared of Ronan leaving him. Forgetting him and moving on. It was all the reasons why he didn’t let Ronan fully in.   
Ronan was fully aware and gave Adam all the space he wanted. Which was the problem. With all that space that is filled with fear, the chances only grow bigger of Adam completely pushing Ronan away. Or Ronan no longer being interested in him. 

It was just too overwhelming for Adam. He wanted Ronan to be by his side. He wanted to kiss him and wanted him to stay the night again. Like before but together this time. 

-

‘’Movie?’’ Ronan asked, he had driven Adam to work and came to pick him up again.

‘’Whole words, eh? But yeah, a movie is fine.’’ Adam said, teasing Ronan a bit. They were going to spend the evening together and hadn’t discussed the night yet. Adam was a bit nervous. 

‘’Dickhead,’’ Ronan replied, with a sharp grin. ‘’I got some bad horror movies from 19-fucking old.’’ 

‘’I guess i’d like that,’’ Adam said, looking up at Ronan. Ronan smiled, something soft. Adam wanted to kiss that soft smile. 

-

The movie was fine, but very dull. Ronan liked horror movies, but he wouldn’t take out the bad ones. Only the boring old ones that are too obviously fake. Adam knew this was Ronan protecting him for something. Not that Adam was going to argue over that. 

‘’Fuck, next time we’ll watch some my little pony shit, it’ll probably make more sense than this shit,’’ Ronan groaned. 

‘’It was your choice.’’ Adam pointed out. 

‘’Well, I changed my opinion.’’ Ronan snapped back. The way he said that, it didn’t really feel good to Adam. That couldn’t have directed to him, right?

‘’Well, what do you want now?’’ Adam said, he was playing into this. He hated that he did it.  
Ronan mumbled something under his breath, and took out the old dvd. He couldn’t handle another minute of this garbage. ‘’Wanna joyride?’’ Ronan asked.

‘’Mm, it’s getting pretty late. You can joyride me home?’’ Adam replied. 

Ronan was quiet for a minute. ‘’Or,’’ he began, ‘’you could sleep here.’’   
There it was. What Adam feared the night was going to bring. He let out a big sigh and dropped back into the sofa. 

Ronan took place next to him. ‘’Sorry,’’ he said, softly. ‘’You’re not ready.’’ It almost sounded like he had to tell that to himself. 

Adam looked up at Ronan and saw something sad. Another fear of Adam, he had pushed him away once more. 

‘’Look, Adam,’’ Ronan sighed and went on, ‘’I want to wait for you, I really do. But do you still want me to wait?’’ 

Adam was startled to hear Ronan say this. Did he think Adam changed his mind?   
‘’God, no!’’ Adam almost yelled at Ronan. Which in his turn, startled Ronan. Adam forcefully grabbed Ronan and started to kiss him. It wasn’t sweet or very good at all. But instead very desperate. Ronan followed Adam, but knew better. 

Ronan wasn’t going to push Adam, or ask further. He didn’t want Adam to be hurt, even though it was time for Adam to admit a few things. The real reason he didn’t want to sleep with Ronan.   
His fear of being left alone and his fear of wetting the bed. It hadn’t happened in a while. It was more something he did as a kid. But very often, it can happen. And Adam hated himself for it. 

He wanted to move on from the past but his body wouldn’t let him. His dreams, his arms and legs. His back. They are all touched and altered. 

Adam hated himself so much, he couldn’t help but cry. Into his kiss, the tears went everywhere. Ronan stopped, big shocked eyes was all Adam saw. 

‘’I’m such a mess,’’ Adam whispered. Ronan kept quiet but his eyes said it all.   
‘’How can you look at me and like it? I’m covered with everything.’’ Adam mumbled. It wasn’t true but it felt true. As if his skin was drowned in bruises. 

‘’Adam?!’’ Ronan shouted. He had been shouting for a while now. Adam didn’t listen. ‘’Please.’’

‘’How can you? I’m not a human being anymore,’’ Adam said it in a calm voice. Warm tears still gliding down his face. It was mean to ask all this from Ronan. He knew that. 

‘’I just do,’’ Ronan started, ‘’Fuck! I should’ve killed that fucker.’’ Ronan was full of anger but still brushed his hands over Adam. ‘’I just fucking do.’’ 

Adam didn’t want to talk anymore. He went back to kissing Ronan. Needier than ever. Ronan gave him everything. He knew Ronan loved him. 

‘’If I stay the night?’’ Adam started to speak, ‘’Will you stay too?’’ He had whispered it against Ronan’s lips. 

‘’Always,’’ Ronan replied. ‘’I’m not leaving you, Adam.’’ He kissed Adam. 

-

Adam finally admitted his troubles and listened to Gansey’s advice. He went to a therapist.   
For two weeks straight, he felt worse. As if the therapist just scratched open all his wounds. 

After another two weeks, he felt some weight drop of his shoulders. 

Adam and Ronan? They were in love. Adam? He let the love happen. He had learned that. He can’t be in control. But he wanted Ronan too much for that too be in the way. 

He let the love happen. Never healing but better. He’ll overcome, together with Ronan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really happy with this work.   
> But If I don't upload now, I will never.
> 
> Thanks for reading, have a great day.

**Author's Note:**

> The story of Adam Parrish means a lot to me. I wanted it to be more realistic.  
> I know this is not everyones cup of tea, but that doesn't matter.
> 
> I'd like to ask to ya'll, if there are any mistaked in grammatica or whatever, please let me know.
> 
> Thanks for reading, have a great day.


End file.
